Sept. 13: After a couple relaxing days at Moss�s mom�s place, we were off to Des Moines, IA for a show at the legendary Hairy Mary�s. This was a great show. When I walked into the club I went straight to the bar to get a beer and started talking to Tom from OG. This girl sitting next to him overheard that I was in Porn, tapped me on the arm, and said �You�re in the Men of Porn? Have you seen my pussy?� I had to have her repeat that a couple times, because I thought I was just hearing things. Apparently, she got a tattoo of a skull and crossbones right above her clit and sent us pictures of it. Pretty fuckin� cool. I talked to her for a while and it turns out she was from Portland, and was really cool. The bartenders were super cool too, and loaded us up with free beer. There were a lot of people there, including some of the guys from Slipknot. I didn�t talk to them, but someone in our entourage (I can�t remember who) smoked out with them. One of the high points of the tour occurred while OG were playing. A few days earlier, Jason bought some reflective letter stickers at a hardware store. Since OG were pulling off the tour and this was our last show with them, we had to give them a going away present. While they were playing, we went out to their bus and put the stickers on the left rear side of the bus, where they were least likely to see them, and anyone passing them on the highway would see them. The letters said �GAY PRIDE INSIDE.� We thought this was fully appropriate for a yellow short bus with California plates. We couldn�t wait to see them again and hear what happened.
Sept. 14: I think we got a hotel room after the show - can�t quite remember after all the free beer. We rolled into Kansas City, MO to play at the Hurricane pretty early, so we got another hotel room. This was a great venue, as they gave us free beer AND pizza. The only other band on the bill was this crazy two piece with just drums and bass. The bass player was fucking awesome - he played a left-hand-chord, right-hand-lead style kinda like Stanley Jordan. Not exactly something a common crowd would get in to, but as a musician I thoroughly enjoyed it. We played our set to a few people while all the hipsters were hanging out in the bar waiting for the dance music to start after we played. But there was one guy fucking cutting a rug while we played. He was hilarious. After the set I tried to talk to him, but all he could manage was, �wumma na habba de babba shu placka� or something to that effect. I guess Moss and Jason tried to talk to him with the same results. I guess the dude was actually mentally not all there. It was kind of funny, the night before, Nila, Jason, and I were fighting over who slept on the floor, because all the hotels only had two beds. We insisted that Nila sleep in one of the beds and Jason took the floor. This time, Nila didn�t go to the show, and when we got back to the hotel, she had spread out her little air cushion and sleeping bag in the only floor space in the room so we wouldn�t be able to have any choice in the matter. What a nice person.
Sept. 15: We got to the Green Door in Oklahoma City, OK at around 7pm and sat around waiting for about two hours for someone to show up and open the club. The owner, Reggie, just opened the club, and still has a day job, and didn�t get off work until like 8:30pm, then raced over to let us in. Now that�s dedication! I guess he does that every night. If you�re ever in OKC, stop in and say hello to him, he�s a great fucking guy, and the club rules! It even has Porn�s American Style in the jukebox. I wandered over to the discount cigarette shop next door and found smokes for $2 a pack! That was the cheapest place of the whole tour. I talked to they guys in the opening band, the Filthy Skanks, while we were waiting to get into the club. They were really nice, and they mentioned something about wearing costumes while they played. After we got in the club, they set up their gear, then disappeared into the bathroom for about an hour and locked it. It was the only one in the club, so that really sucked, but Reggie was nice enough to let me use the one behind the bar. When they finally came out to play, they were a sight to behold. They were all wearing spandex. The singer had on a Viking helmet and a bunch of spiky things all over. The drummer was made up like a devil, including red paint covering his entire body. I can�t quite remember, but I think the bass player was just dressed in all black with big black circles around his eyes. They had blow-up sex dolls hanging from the ceiling, one of them with a strategically placed glow-stick. They played bad two minute punk songs with about three minutes of bullshitting in between each song. I don�t know what else to say about them. All the shtick was kind of funny for the first five minutes, but it ran out fast. During our set, these HUGE black metal Indian looking dudes kept yelling, �EYEHATEGOD!! PLAY SOME EYEHATEGOD!!� Pretty annoying, but they seemed to really be into the set. I talked to them after the show, and they actually do have a black metal band. After they cleared out the club, Jim, who used to own the record store in OKC where bands used to play, whipped out the weed and started rolling. He rolled four or five of the biggest joints I�ve ever seen, and we all got ripped. As anyone who�s met him will tell you, Jim is a great fucking guy. He also offered us a place to crash, but we wanted to get on the road because we had a long drive ahead of us. Clementine returned from taking Nila to the bus station where she finally got a bus home, and we loaded up our gear and split.
Sept. 16 & 17: We had a day off and a long drive up to Charleston, IL, just outside of Champaign, to play the Dungeon. The guy who owns the club was super cool and plays for a really good band� I can�t remember which one, dammit. Anyway, he gave us free beer and burgers and we hung around for a couple hours playing pinball and pool. There weren�t many people there, but we had a good time. My amp blew up 30 seconds into the first song, and I had to use the opening band�s solid state Hartke. I was tremendously grateful for it, but it just wasn�t the same as the raging tube sound of my SVT. Brad and J. from Tummler were at the show, and led us through 40 miles of back roads so we could crash at J�s place in Champaign. They were both great guys, which was very cool because I love their band.
Sept. 18: After a good night�s sleep on J�s couch, we just walked downstairs and ate breakfast at a great little diner. That�s a pretty sweet set-up having a place like that right downstairs from his apartment. We stopped at a music store on the way out of town and I ran in to see if the repair guy was there to check out my amp. The salesman says, �yeah, bring it on in!� So we unpacked a bunch of shit in the middle of the street and lugged my 100 pound SVT into the shop. Moss took it to the back and the asshole salesman just starts writing up a ticket for it. Moss was like, �wait a minute - we�re on tour, we need it done now!� The asshole says, �oh, well our repairman isn�t here.� Idiot. So we loaded it back in and stopped at a hardware store. I was guessing it was just a fuse, because the power kept going out in the Dungeon, and the fuse in the amp was blown. We drove to the Blind Lemon in Cleveland, OH and sat around drinking beer for a while. The show was OK, not many people there. But luckily just replacing the fuse fixed my amp. The bartender there was really cool and bought our new CD. Then to a hotel for a good night�s sleep.
Sept. 19: Our Pittsburgh show was cancelled, so we had another day off. We drove most of the day and ended up stopping somewhere in Pennsylvania. We went to several hotels comparing prices before deciding on a Best Western. It cost a little more, but it had a lounge where it just happened to be Karaoke night. It didn�t open until nine though, so we went and ate at a diner. We were the only long-haired, tattooed, scruffy looking people in the place, so the wait staff took this as a sign that we were from out of town. They grilled us on exactly why the hell we were in their podunk little town, and showed us their cute little tattoos. Pretty funny. After eating we went back to the hotel and relaxed. Finally, it was karaoke time. Moss, Clementine, and I went to the lounge. It was pretty funny, but none of us sang. I was going to, but they didn�t have Coyahoga by REM, so I had to decline.
Sept. 20: New York. It was an interesting drive into the city. First we got stopped before we went across the bridge into the city (not sure which one) and they searched the back of the van. Luckily we had left all of our explosives in the karaoke bar. We drove into Manhattan down the major highway along the river. All along the shore were tents set up as the place where people went and reported people missing from the attacks. It was a pretty sad sight. We were stopped at an intersection where the police and FBI were directing traffic with machine guns. They were screaming at people to stop and go contrary to the working stoplights, and people were freaking out. I�m glad I wasn�t driving. We made our way to Clem�s old neighborhood and walked around for a while. We went to a bar and hung out and shot some pool. I went out to get some smokes and got lost because of shitty directions someone gave me at a liquor store. I finally made it back and soon it was time to head to Brooklyn for our show at the Luxx that night. We got there kind of early, so we hung around drinking waiting for the promoter to show. When she did, we were informed that we were the only band playing that night. Fun. So we just sat around drinking beer for about four hours. Two people showed up and we were all hanging at the bar when one of them offered to buy a round of shots for the house (there were only six of us there.) So I went down to thank her and collect my liquor, and who is it but Hellmistress and Ron325ic from the forums. They were both really cool and we talked and drank for a few hours. Jason�s girlfriend, Lisa, also showed up in this time. It was the first time I had met her, and she was super bad-ass as well. We finally decided we should play - for Hellmistress, Ron, Lisa, Clem, the promoter, and a couple bartenders. Not our biggest crowd, but we all had fun. Then more drinking, and we were off to Jersey City to crash at Hellmistress�s place. On the way we got the first clear look of the NYC skyline sans the WTC. Fucking weird. Without them, I couldn�t tell it was NYC. We got to Hellmistress�s place and started smoking out, then she whips out the coolest hookah I�ve ever seen. It was Scooby Doo�s head with four hoses coming out of it. Too bad we were already too baked to smoke out of it.
Sept. 21: We headed back to Manhattan around noon. Moss and Lisa both had appointments to get tattoo work done at the same place, and Jason and Clem went with them, leaving me on my own. I just walked around Manhattan for a few hours. I was waiting for The Continental to open, where we were playing that night, so I could hang out, drink some beer, and read my book. It finally opened at about 4:30, and I went in and spent all my money on beer. Moss and Clem showed up at about 6:30 and I went out to the van and slept for a while. When I woke up, a couple of the other bands had shown up, and I talked with them for a while in the band room downstairs. They all had stories about friends they had in the towers, as well as some band members they knew from other bands that had died. The whole city was kind of weird. There weren�t many people going out yet, and everything was kind of subdued. Hellmistress showed up again just before the first band was starting, and we hung out and talked some more. We had only been given two drink tickets each, so I was saving them for stage beers. So as to not break my tradition of not being sober for any shows, I went out to the van before we played and chugged about 1/3 of a bottle of Jim Beam that someone had given us. We played to about a half full room, which was strange for a Friday night at the Continental. There were some idiots in shirts and ties up front, beating the crap out of each other and anyone else near them. I guess you have to expect that when you play with bands that sound like Stained. After we played, Hellmistress and I went out and smoked in the van, then went to a cool bar with a cat living in it, then back to the club. We played third of five bands, and the only band I really remember was the last one, but I can�t remember their name. There were a few other forums members there, so maybe they can. They were good spacy kind of stonerrock, and if I was less high, I could have told you more about them :)
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