This story begins with the maiden voyage of �The StonerRock.com Van� aka �The Sexplorer� (hehe) on Monday, November 13 at 5:30am. That�s the time I was scheduled to leave in order to catch the 1st ferry from Victoria, British Columbia to meet my friend Paul, a police officer from Australia, at the Vancouver airport. In typical fashion I locked my keys in The Van for the first time ever � DOH! And it�s one of those pricks that�s air-tight with electric everything � DOH x2!! But not to panic� I did spend many years being a delinquent teenager. After no more than 5 minutes with a coat hanger I was in and ready to roll!

I made the ferry on time and also picked Paul and his buddy, another Aussie Copper, up at the airport with time to spare. We spent the day sightseeing around Vancouver � Stanley Park, Granville Street, Capilano Suspension Bridge, Grouse Mountain etc � then Paul and I were off to a local pub in the not-so-good part of Granville Street. I say not-so-good because walking between our hotel and the pub we got offered weed a few times, shrooms a couple of times, �runners� (whatever they are?) and various other illegal, mind altering substances. Being with a police officer made this situation rather unique. Especially since he was several thousand miles out of his jurisdiction and could do little more than nod and say �no thanks�. It was good for a laugh anyways! I actually tried desperately to peer-pressure him into getting stoned with me � but he wouldn�t go for it. I guess they teach coppers about that peer-pressure stuff eh? Hehe

We had a few beers at the pub and a good feed and watched some Monday Night Football (which I hate!) until Paul started falling asleep on the bar from jetlag and being up for like 36 hours straight, so we called it a night and headed back to the hotel, turning down several more offers along the way from dudes wanting to sell us drugs.

Even though I had been up for 24 hours straight (11pm till 11pm) by this time � I had a few beers in me and I was ready to party! So I announced to Paul that I was going to sleep in The Van. I left him at the hotel and headed back to purchase an eighth of those shrooms and a six pack of beer. Then back to The Van which was parked in a parking lot in the not-so-good part of Granville Street to have a little mushroom party by my lonesome. Well the shrooms weren�t that strong and I was mega-tired so I just sat there relaxing, listening to music, drinking beer and tripping out watching the people on the street do their thing for about 5 hours through a little crack in the curtains.

It was actually quite fun. Drug deals, fights, drunk people stumbling around, street people bothering pedestrians. But I started to feel a little exposed with all these crazy people wandering by The Van and there was a street light flooding into The Van from above so I decided that I should cover all the windows with pillows and blankets so no one could see in. Ahhh.. Much better..

I had two air mattresses set up as a makeshift bed with sheets and pillows and blankets etc so I spent my first night sleeping in The Van in a strange place and it was very comfortable � except for it was FUCKING FREEZING!! I had to sleep fully clothed compl.ete with jacket and sweatshirt on and still froze! Hehe.. But hey it was fun and I got to experience what it will be like when I start living in The Van next year. It was, however, the only time on this roadtrip that I risked my limbs to frostbite by sleeping in The Van through the night!

I woke up the next day at about 3pm, hung out with the guys and then we all headed down to catch a Canucks hockey game at GM Place. Which was cool � it was the first time I�d ever been to a hockey game and I had a great time � we ordered some giant pretzles which were way too salty and we kept saying �These pretzels.. are making me� THIRSTY!� to each other all night. After the game Paul and Gavin lamed out on me again so I decided to head down to Portland at around midnight! A 5 hour drive! The first long drive for The Sexplorer! Whoohoo! She handled great, ran perfectly and drank way too much gas!

I got to Robwrong�s at about 6am and fell asleep in The Van (day time, not cold) and was awoken by a knock at the window about 2 hours later. I moved The Van into the driveway, at Rob�s request, and then went back to sleep until 3pm.

The first fun we had in Portland was finding Robwrong�s buddy in a diabetic coma at another friend�s place! We found him passed out on the concrete basement floor lying on a broken cymbal and cymbal stand � OUCH! In reality this was not a very fun situation at all. This guy was a very close friend of Rob�s and a call to 911 and some serious stress ensued. Turns out his blood sugar was super-low and an oral glucose adminstration fixed him up enough to get him to the hospital for a few days. As far as I know he�s doing much better now. Phew � freaky stuff!

From there we went to Johnny�s place � the new second guitarist for Witch Mountain � for a Witch Mountain practice session that I got to sit in on. I got to hear the new 4 piece play all the new WM songs first hand very loud in a room that has awesome sound! It�s too bad that every fan can�t see the band�s they like in this situation � it was a very pleasurable experience. So loud, so warm, so fuzzy! Oh yeah! Heavenly really! After that Nate Mountain, his bro and girlfriend and I went to this groovy little restaurant with dim, moody lighting and had some chow and then we caught the Gaza Strippers at The Satyricon � punk-rock-n-roll, and you all know what I think of that � so let�s just say we left after a few songs believing that we weren�t gonna hear much different stuff before their set was over. Fun, rocking, danceable � but definitely not my bag baby!

The next couple of days were spent drinking too many beers and doing too many bong hits while trying desperately, without much success at all, to install Windows 2000 on Robwrong�s computer. What was meant to be a one night �Operating System Install Party� (rockers can be computer geeks too!) turned out to take up all of our waking moments until Saturday, November 18th � hithertofor known as the �Ash Street Saloon Spaceball Party!� � hehehe � which is of course why this feature is called �Hopped UP on Spaceballs�.

The lineup on this night included YOB from Eugene, Oregon � Sea of Green on a US/Canada tour from their homebase of Toronto, and Witch Mountain from Portland who headlined for the first time ever, and also played live for the first time with their new members Dave (Bass) and Johnny (Second Guitar).. What a CRAZY NIGHT!

Immediately after we loaded Witch Mountain�s equipment in, and before we even had a chance to sit down, Imray (AKA �spacecakes� from the Discussion Forums) came up and asked me if I �wanted to get my spaceball on� � and of course I was like �Yeah man! For sure! Let�s do it!�. This is something that had been planned on the Discussion Forums for many weeks before hand so I was of course excited to try Imray�s infamous spaceballs!

Out of a Tupperware bowl that was stuffed solid with brownie like spaceballs he handed me one and I chomped it down � noticing a very strong pot flavour as I chewed. YUM! Then it was back to our table to drink some beers and watch YOB � Imray put the bowl of spaceballs on the table in front of me and made me the official spaceball distributor by saying simply �If anyone wants spaceballs give them one, but only one!� Imray then disappeared for most of the night � odd. But hey it was fun being in charge of the spaceballs! I think my first customers were the guys from Sea of Green who were very appreciative of the goodies � cool guys too!

Shortly there after YOB appeared on stage and blew everyone away with their sheer heaviness!! These guys were great in every way. They had a really fun (almost silly) stage presence which showed that they weren�t too serious even though the quality of their music proved that they were indeed serious enough! YOB are an ultra-heavy, and slow doom band with a vocalist that could possibly holler (scream?) Rob Halford under the table! Huge singin� voice on this dude, and a very talented guitar player as well. YOB had it all and they even played a relatively long set for an opening band.

By the time YOB ended I was concerned that my spaceball wasn�t doing anything so, I popped another one � it was hard not to, being in control of the bowl and all that! I found out later that I was supposed to take a second one around an hour and a half after the first one anyways so smooth sailing so far!

Up second were Sea of Green who are sort of a stoner-pop type band and who I also know quite well via email. They also put on a nice long, and tight set complete with smoke machine and a shirtless singer/lead guitar player who has an uncanny resemblance to the pre-stumpy Dave Wyndorf. They played most of their songs of their Northern Lights EP, songs that I�m very familiar with, and a bunch of new and slightly heavier / less poppy songs. Another cool band and another great set and yet another spaceball for me.. Oops!

At this point I was in a deep-and-meaningful conversation with �jenn�, also a regular on the Discussion Forums, about god knows what, totally oblivious to everything going on around me! She had one spaceball earlier and I had to peer pressure her into having another one too! Also at our table, and from the discussion forums, were carson27, oatmealrock Steve and, after they finished tearing down their equipment, the Sea of Green dudes. I think most of us had yet another spaceball at this point and more beers. I think we were actually on our second bowl of spaceballs by this time and people who I didn�t know kept coming up and saying �hey I hear you�ve got some goodies over here� and I was always like �yeah man knock yourself out! But only take one!� hehe � Suffice to say, they were going pretty quickly and I think a large portion of the audience were on at least one or two spaceballs each when Witch Mountain hit the stage!

Now I was very high all of a sudden � all 4 spaceballs all hit me at once � and watching the Witch Mountain set was a truly amazing experience. I know their songs so well now and their new sound with the new members is SO FAT and SO HEAVY! The sound quality of the Ash Street Saloon was really good too and the stage was great � I�d have to say that it�s my favourite venue in Portland now actually. Right after the first song, or maybe it was the second song, Robwrong said �Spaceball me!� over the microphone and it caught me off-guard, but I knew exactly what he meant! Hehe � So I stumbled up to the stage, spaceball-bowl in hand. I got to the side of the stage and lifted the lid for Robwrong � who dug around in the wax paper and didn�t find anything! It seemed that there weren�t any left! OH SHIT!! And I was supposed to save him one! I said �Ahh fuck � I hope there�s one left!� genuinely worried for the embarrasment that would ensue for the both of us if the bowl was empty! �.Luckily there was one left!! PHEW!

Robwrong �got his spaceball on� on stage � classic! � and went directly into the next song.. I wish someone had gotten picture of me handing it to him, or him putting it in his mouth � that would have been legendary! Hehe

Witch Mountain played a satisfyingly long set that included most of their Homegrown Doom EP songs plus several of their new songs from the forthcoming 2001 release ��Come the Mountain� and their set seemed pretty much flawless to me � but after 4 spaceballs and too many beers I�m not the best person to comment on such things! The audience also enjoyed the set and there were calls for an encore after they�d finished (or maybe that was just me?? Hehe) and they had to refuse cuz they hadn�t prepared anymore songs. DOH! I�m sure the audience would have been pleased to hear one of the songs they�d already played a second time � but it was not to be � oh well, even without the encore it was an incredibly satisfying show with 3 great heavy rock bands in one night!

After Witch Mountain had torn down their equipment Robwrong bought me a shooter of Jaggermeister � actually, I think it might have been double! Not sure though � and I can�t remember a single thing after I put that one back! Well not until I woke up on Robwrong�s couch with severe visual hallucinations!! Spaceballs rule!! But 4 spaceballs is TOO MANY!! Hehehe

And finally Imray had given Robwrong a bunch more spaceballs as a �birthday present� so we had another spaceball party at Rob�s house the next night � I only had two this time though! � Rob, his wife, brother, roomate and a friend that was in from Scotland joined in � more beers were consumed and we spent the night relaxing and listening to Queens of the Stone Age, High on Fire, Gammera and Mammoth Volume before going to sleep early, wasted. The next afternoon when I woke up I packed up and was back on the road on my way home!